Stop Overeating This Holiday Season With One Powerful Question
Gathering Around the Table: It’s More Than Just a Meal
This week, I’m in Portland, Oregon—visiting family in the beautiful Pacific Northwest—and I couldn’t think of a more perfect time to talk about holiday eating than while I’m deep in the mix of food, family, and all the patterns that show up this time of year.
I grew up in a serious foodie household. My family loves food. We're that classic Italian-American crew that talks about lunch while we're still finishing breakfast. My parents were part of a “gourmet group” that explored cooking different cuisines together every couple of months for 50 years. Back in the ’80s and ’90s, that wasn’t common. And neither was keeping photo albums of food—but we had them, and stacks of them.
My mom studied dietetics, so she made sure we ate well—two vegetables on the table, every dinner. My dad? 100% Sicilian. If it were up to him, we’d eat pasta daily—and honestly, we pretty much did.
We weren’t fancy or bougie about it. We just ate really good food. And we still gather around those same flavors today. These days, it’s more restaurant meals than home-cooked ones, but the connection is the same.
So when I visit for the holidays, food is everywhere. And it’s not just what we eat—it’s what it means. It’s my mom’s seafood pasta from Christmas Eve, which I now make on New Year’s Eve. It’s the Mexican restaurant I can’t replicate in Buffalo, and the almond paste Kringle I wait all year to eat.
These meals are soaked in memory. And while they’re easy to romanticize now, they also used to make me anxious.
When Food Brings More Anxiety Than Joy
If you’re like many of the women I work with, the holidays can feel like a minefield. You want to enjoy them—but you dread what the season might do to your body.
For years, I thought I should be excited about holiday meals. And on the surface, I was. But underneath, there was a tight, anxious energy. I wanted to be present. I wanted to enjoy the foods I grew up with. But my relationship with food had become tangled in shame, control, and body image—so I couldn’t fully relax.
So many of us have spent decades absorbing diet culture, food rules, and internalized shame that it taught us to fear pleasure. We tell ourselves: If I let myself enjoy this, I’ll lose control.
And just like that, food turns into something to manage, into something that feels dangerous.
How We Weaponize Pleasure Against Ourselves
Here’s what I’ve seen—and lived through: we take something that should bring us joy, like a plate of holiday pasta or a slice of pecan pie, and we use it as evidence against ourselves.
It becomes a cycle. We eat something we love, then immediately follow it with guilt. With shame. With the voice that says, See? You still can’t control yourself.
I call this cycle weaponizing pleasure—turning something beautiful into something painful. Not because the food is bad, but because we’ve trained ourselves to mistrust the joy it brings.
And when that happens, we can’t even enjoy the moment. We eat quickly. We go past full. Or we avoid the food altogether. Regardless of what we choose, we leave the table unsatisfied.
The irony? That shame usually leads to even more overeating—because when you’re eating with anxiety, not presence, it’s almost impossible to recognize when your body’s had enough.
The Question That Changed Everything
So how do you step off that treadmill of shame and anxiety?
In the Fempire, I teach a powerful question that changes everything:
“What is the experience I want to have?”
Not What am I going to eat? or How can I avoid overeating?—but What do I want to experience?
The first time I asked myself that, I was preparing for a family reunion. I had just learned what I teach in the Fempire. I’d lost 30 pounds and finally found peace with food. I wasn’t the same woman I used to be—and I didn’t want to fall back into old patterns.
I knew I had to prepare—not just my meals, but also my mindset.
So I asked myself: What experience do I want to have at this reunion?
The answer: Connection.
I specifically thought about my sister-in-law and how I wanted to deepen our relationship. I wanted to talk to her about work, hear her thoughts, and really see how she was doing. I wanted to have real conversations, feel close, and make meaningful memories.
And I realized: none of that had anything to do with food.
Sure, I still planned to enjoy meals. But that wasn’t the goal. It was a backdrop to something bigger. When I got clear on what I really wanted to experience, everything shifted. I ate what I loved—but didn’t spiral. I felt present. And, I left full of connection, not regret.
That reunion was the best I’d ever had. And that question became a cornerstone of how I approach every holiday.
Breaking the Cycle: Being Intentional
Here’s the truth: Family gatherings often pull us into old roles. One minute you’re grounded and adult—the next, you’re 17 again. Your brother still thinks you don’t know how to read a map (yes, that really happened to me—20 years later!). And, your mom slips into treating you like a kid.
Even in the healthiest families, those patterns can show up fast.
That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means you have to prepare.
You get to decide how you want to show up. And when you ask, What is the experience I want to have?, you reconnect with your current self—the one who’s done the work and wants something more than tension and guilt.
I still ask myself this every year. Almost 10 years later, I still prepare before holiday gatherings. Because intention doesn’t happen by accident, it’s a decision.
You Deserve to Enjoy Food—Without Guilt
Let’s be clear: this isn’t about restriction. I’m not here to tell you to avoid pie or skip mashed potatoes.
In the Fempire, we work on actually enjoying food—without guilt, shame, or anxiety.
But if you’re eating quickly because you’re bracing for guilt… or if you’re mentally calculating how to “make up for it” at the gym tomorrow… or telling yourself, I’ll just start fresh in January—you’re not present. You’re not savoring. And you’re more likely to overeat.
The problem isn’t pleasure. It’s how we’ve learned to punish ourselves for feeling it.
Pleasure isn’t the problem. It’s the solution.
Inside the Fempire: Real Tools for Real Change
Inside the Fempire—my private coaching community for women—we start the holiday season by designing the experience we want before we talk about food.
We don’t plan how to “be good.” Instead, we ask:
What do I want to feel at the end of the night?
What do I want to remember about this gathering?
What really matters to me this season?
Then we support that intention with tools like:
Eating to a 2 (instead of eating to “stuffed”)
Point of Diminishing Return (knowing when pleasure starts to drop off)
Lifting your gaze (being present with the people, not just the food)
These aren't rules. They’re supports. They help you build the holiday experience you actually want—not the one old habits keep recreating.
And if you’d like to experience this in real time, December 2025 is Bring a Friend Free Month in the Fempire. You’re welcome to join us.
Just head to liapinelli.com/fempire or email me at lia@liapinelli.com, and I’ll send you an invite.
Final Food for Thought
Know this: You’re not broken. You don’t lack willpower. And you don’t have to keep repeating the same pattern every holiday season.
What you do need is a new question.
“What is the experience I want to have?”
Write it down. Sit with it. Let it guide you.
Because when you lead with intention, you unlock a different kind of holiday—a holiday where you enjoy your food, feel connected to your people, and still feel great in your body.
That’s not wishful thinking. That’s entirely within reach.
And if you want support getting there? We’re ready to welcome you inside the Fempire.
