Hey Mama Bosses!
In this post I'm going to talk about self-sabotage: what it is and how to overcome it using four simple steps to get you started.
Earlier this week I was talking with a client about self-sabotage.
She was frustrated and disappointed with herself the she had, for the millionth time, gone on a "high-carb" binge.
What had started as exception turned into a full-on three day flour and sugar fest that ended in a puddle of guilt, shame, and anxiety.
It started with dinner with a friend where she decided in the moment to eat foods she hadn't planned on eating.
She told herself that making this "exception" just this once was no big deal.
Afterall she has been "so good" and would get right back on the wagon tomorrow.
Yet when she left the restaurant she felt a nagging sense of disappointment.
But her disappointment wasn’t the same old brand of disappointment she’d been feeling for the last two decades.
This old version of herself would have been fretting and angsting over her looming weight gain.
Her lizard brain would be telling her that she was sure to gain weight from that one meal, that all her progress was lost-- reversed even, that she was destined to balloon into a gargantuan human so large that she would eventually implode all over herself causing a huge mess for her loved ones to clean up.
OK, these may be exaggerations, but you get the idea.
Our lizard brains like to have a hayday when we “slip up”.
But her brain wasn’t saying all that this time.
For the first time since she could remember the old story loop of fear of weight gain went silent.
Instead, the new version of herself had created what I call an evolved story loop rooted in self-awareness.
Her new story was one of disappointment in handling the controls over to her lizard brain and putting food in her mouth when her evolved brain, her prefrontal cortex, was screaming a very muffled “Noooooooo!!!!! You don’t want that!!!! Remember your plan???”
She was disappointed that she had given in to something she didn't really want.
She didn't really want to eat the high carb meal.
She didn't even really enjoy it as much as she had anticipated she would.
She was disappointed that she had "given in" to the impulse to eat it and that she hadn't managed her mind in the moment.
The next day, another temptation came her way and this time she felt weak and unprepared to manage the urge to eat.
All of the tools she had learned and had been implementing through our coaching sessions seemed to have gone out the window-- powerless in the face of old habits.
What she learned was that she had adopted a victim mentality about food.
She no longer worried about weight gain in the sense that she is no longer confused about what to eat in order to live at her natural weight.
Instead she is living a battle of two brains: her evolved prefrontal brain and her primitive lizard brain.
For us emotional overeaters, it can feel like food overpowers us.
We don’t feel empowered to make the choices that we actually want to make around food because we are operating under the belief that food is somehow stronger than we are.
The result of beating herself up after the "exception" meal with her friend was a weakened sense of power over herself and her food choices.
Remember how your thoughts create your feelings, which in turn creates your actions and then your results?
She had to get out from under her victim mentality and find her power over her own thinking about food.
Because food is neutral.
Cookies are neutral.
Chocolate is neutral.
Wine is neutral.
Fettucini alfredo is neutral (believe it or not).
It is our thinking about it that gives it power.
And therefore it is our thinking that has all the power.
Our thinking is what empowers or disempowers anything and everything.
You can start to work with your thinking and intentionally choose empowering thoughts at anytime.
This is not “positive thinking” or manifestation, but rather a method of managing your mind in ways that are based in results-driven action.
Admittedly this is seemingly more challenging that it actually is so I encourage you to check out my video to learn more.
Make today the day you finally put an end to feeling disempowered around food and ditch the diet drama once and for all.
As for my client? She is back in action!
Working her thoughts and slaying her relationship with food.
Life has never been better.
Lia Pinelli is a weight loss coach and educator who helps women put an end to emotional overeating and lose weight, permanently.