Why Your Friends Determine Your Results

Jim Rohn famously said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

I’d heard this before, but it hit me like a ton of bricks last year while reading The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy (highly recommend it, btw).

It made me think… who are the five people I spend the most time with?

And do I want to be the average of them?

Now don’t get me wrong-- I love the people closest to me.

But they weren’t necessarily doing what I wanted to be doing.

Why does that matter?

It matters because how we spend our time drives our results.

If I want to improve my marriage, it make sense to spend my precious time with people who are already in thriving marriages? Or people who are working on that same goal as well, so we can share and support each other along the way?

Or if I want to make more money or grow my business, wouldn’t it serve me well to connect with people who already make the money I want to make or have thriving businesses that I can learn from?

Of course it goes without saying that the relationship need be reciprocal.

I'm not advocating for a one way benefit.

I am advocating for finding a running partner on your way to meeting your goals-- or finding a whole community, for that matter, with whom you can lock arms and scale that goal mountain together.

For example,  when I had my epiphany that I wanted to intentionally connect with people who were doing what I wanted to be doing, I immediately thought of Jessica Miller, a bonafide badass whom I’d met in life coach training a few years ago.

She is a go getter who had the cojones I didn't yet: she'd quit her job as a pharmacist the year previous to build her coaching and skin care businesses and was kicking ass.

I sent her a message telling her explicitly about my epiphany and asked if we could connect.

Luckily for me she was excited to lock arms and  we've been soul sisters ever since.

Our alliance has moved my coaching practice forward in leagues and in ways I never would have imagined. And reciprocally she has achieved her goal weight due the value I offer the relationship. 

Now it’s your turn to take the pulse on your relationships.

Think about the five people you spend your time with.

Are they doing what you want to be doing with their lives?

Do they inspire you to take action in your own life to be a better human?

If not, you may need to rethink how you are spending your time.

When we spend time with someone who is positive, energetic, inspired, calm, focused, fun, funny, we leave the interaction feeling the same way.

On the flip side, when we spend time with someone who is negative, lethargic, unmotivated, frazzled, lost, boring, or bored we leave that interaction the same way.

You don’t have to dump your friends if you genuinely love them, but you may want to ask yourself if there are other people who can help you get to where you are going and intentionally seek out those relationships.

How to pick your friends wisely

1. Explore how you want to feel with your friends. Take the time to really think this through. Do you want to feel inspired, relaxed, supported, cared for, energized, calmed?
2. Ask yourself "How am I feeling?" before, during, and after the each interaction you have with your friends. Some examples of feelings might be excited, happy, light, energetic, or dread, heavy, low energy, or anxious.
3. Commit to spending time with people who inspire the feelings you are after, and reduce the amount of time you're spending with people who don't.

For example, I want to feel inspired and energetic after spending any time with friends. 

That might sound like a high bar-- because it is.

I have a high bar for my friends.

And I should.

Because I have mighty goals for myself and my own life.

And the people I surround myself with tell me everything about who I am and where I’m going.

I choose friends who are doing what I want to be doing, or are well on their way to meeting their own goals and they inspire me in the process.

They make me a better human.

They lift me up, fix my crown.
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And I aspire to do the same, and more,  for them.

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